Good morning, bleary eyes and bed heads and pajama tops. Are we ready to share a wonderful day?
Good morning, Melania’s blank screen. Hello, Melania’s dad, yelling at her to eat her breakfast.
Hey, there’s Thomas and his shirtless older brother in the background blending a smoothie.
Hi, Clare. That was a fantastic eye-roll when I mentioned we’d be doing another living room workout.
Whoa, look at Kevin’s fingers jolt that video game controller. It’s great to see your fine motor skills improving with all that practice.
Isn’t Justin’s effort exemplary? He submitted his post-workout assignment two minutes after class began.
Good morning, first graders, showing your loose teeth with soggy breakfast cereals and mushed eggs wedged in between.
Thank you, Rebecca, for boosting our creative brains as we imagine where those boogers are going after you’ve dug them out so well.
Shine bright, Evan’s mesmerizing green light that he’s pointing into the camera.
Hello, Mason. Way to unmute your microphone to make wet fart noises so that everyone else can join the concerto for the next five minutes.
Excellent teamwork, class, in playing a game of mute-unmute until I finally scream, “You have to turn your mics off!”
Good morning, third period. Hello, Harry’s babysitter, chowing down a Chick-fil-A sandwich. Does everyone see how her molars grind that chicken and buttered bun?
Hi there, Jackson. Are you drinking your chocolate milkshake again? I love the way you take powerful slurps before we start our warm-up routine.
Hello, shy Evan. I’m amazed at how comfortable you are expressing yourself on the chat, typing the Caillou theme song verbatim for all of us to read.
Haven’t seen you in a while, Mikayla. It’s wonderful to hear your mom telling someone else in the room that these worthless teachers drive her insane.
Keep playing, Clarissa. You are having quite the session with your dolls. I can envision all the magical worlds you’re building.
Good afternoon, second graders. Hey, John, that body slam on your brother was sensational. Great use of leverage and power in finishing TJ all the way into the floor. Oh, and clever comeback, TJ, the way you whipped those headphones like a cowboy lassoing a steer.
Jump away, Grace, doing backflips on your springy trampoline. We’re holding plank stands, but your tuck and landing were tremendous.
There’s Lucas again. Your third costume change is my favorite. The scary wolf mask with pointed ears and bloody fangs appear so real it made Christopher and Sophia cry.
Look at Tasia’s body control as she stares into the camera as if frozen in time.
Isn’t it cute to see Penelope chasing her shaggy dog around the house, trying to get her stolen socks back?
Good afternoon, fifth period. Hello, orange and yellow leaves and bright blue skies. It’s nice to see Sarah, Lacy, and Kensie having loads of fun playing tag across the playground equipment in Sarah’s backyard instead of joining our lesson.
Rest your eyes, Suzy. You look warm and cozy under fluffy covers with a stuffed bear tucked under one arm.
Watch out, Jason, walking a tightrope across the top of the couch. So dangerous and exhilarating.
Good work, Kyle, unmuting and telling the class you finished your push-ups. That book you’ve been reading at your desk the whole time must be so tantalizing.
Bon voyage, Sam, riding in the backseat of a car with trees whipping past the rear window. Are you going on an adventure?
Good night, disgruntled parent, with your lengthy email offering suggestions on how I can do a better job.
Good night, fellow teacher, asking why your students are leaving our meeting one minute early.
Good night, computer, running updates for hours and smelling like burning circuits.
Good night, empty wine bottle, shimmering in the grass under the moonlight.
Good night, pandemic PE class, thank you for sharing a wonderful day.
Greg Oldfield is a physical education teacher and coach from the Philadelphia area. His stories have appeared in Hobart, Carve, X-R-A-Y, and The Daily Drunk, among others. He also writes about soccer for the Brotherly Game and the Florida Cup and can be found on Twitter at @GregOldfield21.
